I took a year off to paint.
Or at least… that’s what I told myself.
The truth is, I don’t know if I’m meant to be a full-time artist. I don’t think I have the discipline for it. I procrastinate. I avoid the parts I don’t enjoy. The social media, the website, the constant pressure to turn something I love into something that pays for everything.
People think artists just paint.
But most of the time… we don’t.
And I think I’m tired of trying to force myself into something that doesn’t feel right.
I’m going back to work this week.
Bills don’t disappear just because you want to create.
I just want to create.
I want to play. Try things. Make something because I feel like it—not because I should, or because it needs to sell, or because I haven’t posted in a while.
I think I’m done trying to prove to myself that I can “make it” as a full-time artist.
Maybe I can. Maybe I can’t.
But I don’t think that’s the point anymore.
What I am is proud. I just finished a commission I procrastinated way too long and I absolutely love how it turned out! I can’t wait to share it.
I have more commissions coming that I’m genuinely excited about. I want to explore chalk portraits further. That felt different… in a good way.
And lately, I’ve been thinking more about being outside. My garlic is growing. The sun is warmer. Gardening season is coming.
That kind of feels more like where I need to be.
Slowing down. Getting my hands in the dirt. Letting things grow the way they’re supposed to.
Maybe that’s where the magic happens.
